


you should be my boy

by spockina



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buddie First Kiss Week 2020, Day 2, Eddie is grumpy, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Oblivious Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:20:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24512191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spockina/pseuds/spockina
Summary: They are not in a relationship, Eddie keeps reminding himself.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 351





	you should be my boy

**Author's Note:**

> title is from [summer, by brockhampton](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p38xW-IjvOc), and doesn't entirely have anything to do with the fic, besides having a great vibe, because titling is my nemesis in this writing game
> 
> this was written for DAY 2 of the BUDDIE FIRST KISS WEEK! the prompt was _in the heat of the moment / interrupted_ , but i decided to combine the two :^) i wasn't sure if i'd be able to finish any of the prompts, so just getting this out feels like a win!

They are not in a relationship, Eddie keeps reminding himself. 

They’re not in a relationship, and so it’s entirely reasonable for Buck to have other things to do with his free time. It’s ok for Buck to go on a date with someone. And it’s ok if said date makes Buck cancel their long-standing Friday evening plans, even if those plans include Christopher. If Christopher is going to ask and moan and be a little bit annoying tonight, hey!, that’s Eddie’s problem, right? Especially because Eddie is going to be just as annoyed. They can be annoyed at Buck together, that sounds like a fun Friday night.

He tries to smile, swallowing the knot he can feel tightening around his Adam’s apple, but he’s not sure how successful he is. Not very, if Hen’s expression is anything to go by. He turns around to finish getting changed, goes on: “So, this date, huh? Do we know her?”

“Nah, you don’t know him.” Buck says, easy, buttoning up his shirt as if Eddie didn’t do the one thing that annoys Buck the most and assumed it was a girl. They’ve talked about it. Eddie feels like an asshole for a minute.

“Alright, Buckaroo,” Hen teases, “who is this boy? Tell us everything.”

Eddie doesn’t want to hear, but is there anywhere else he could be right now? 

Buck’s smile is huge, and honestly, Eddie is starting to feel justified. So, Buck doesn’t wanna hang out with him and Christopher, huh? Anything else is better than them, then?

“We just met on an app, you know, it’s not really anything. But I thought it’d be a good change of pace, you know? Get -” Eddie tunes him out. A _change_ of _pace_? From watching Disney movies with Eddie and his nine year old? Buck needed a change of pace from that, huh? Fun. Funny, even. 

_Not in a relationship_ , Eddie’s brain supplies, unhelpful. Well. Helpful, at this moment, when Eddie is trying not to be mad at his best friend. But, still. He’s not upset, he’s _not_. He just doesn’t really understand what’s going on with Buck, and he hates the not-knowing.

“Eddie?” Hen says, with the tone of someone who has said it before. He blinks slowly at her.

“Yeah?”

“We’re going up for breakfast and you’ve just been staring into nothing. You with us?”

“Yeah, yeah, just distracted,” he says, and doesn’t even really feel like he’s lying.

The thing is: he doesn’t _know_ why he’s feeling like this. Buck’s his best friend; he should be happy Buck is going out there, trying to find someone good for him after the mess his love life has been the past couple of years. His own love life has been a mess, and while he’s not ready to get back in the dating scene again, he should be happy Buck is. Because Buck deserves someone who loves him, is good to him. Eddie know that more than anyone. He knows how good Buck is, how far he’s willing to go for the things he loves. Buck deserves to find someone who will give him the same, who will do the same for him.

Breakfast should be uneventful, but no one stops talking about Buck’s impeding date later tonight. Eddie doesn’t want to listen, but he can’t help that he’s literally right there, that they’re all having breakfast together. Buck’s date is called Andrew; he’s taller than Buck, he’s blond, apparently very white. He’s a lawyer, has two dogs, is vegan, and an environment activist. All things Eddie is _not_.

What?

What did he just think? 

Why did his brain immediately provide him with the awful thought of “he’s all the things you’re not”? 

The alarm goes off, but Bobby still says, “Give me his name, I’ll have Athena run his name and make sure he’s good to go,” and Eddie gets to watch as Buck pretends not to be pleased at that, failing miserably in the process. 

-

It doesn’t go better after that.

Maybe it’s because Buck hasn’t had a date in a while. For the longest time, now, Friday evenings have followed a perfect script: they go home together, help Christopher with homework (more Eddie’s thing), play with Christopher, make dinner (always Buck’s thing), do dishes, pop a kid-friendly movie, put Christopher to bed (whichever Christopher has decided he wanted on that day). Then, they change to some movie or game, get some beers. Buck usually crashes on Eddie’s bed. They eat pancakes come Saturday morning (Buck makes them).

For the longest time, Eddie hasn’t had competition for Buck’s attention. 

That’s what it is, right?

-

The second call of the day comes almost as soon as they changed back into their station clothes, and dispatch says it’s going to be a rough one. They change back into their turnout gear, and get moving, everyone hyped up on whatever’s about to happen.

On call, it’s almost as if nothing’s happening inside his mind. He appreciates that.

They move seamlessly, bouncing off of each other, anticipating one another’s movements, working in perfect tandem.

When they’re done, Eddie finds himself thinking about how he loves working with Buck, loves knowing they’ll catch each other, that he can trust blindly.

And then he remembers the rest of this day, things that happened and things that will (not) happen. And then he’s angry again.

The whole ride back, he can’t stop thinking about it.

He doesn’t know what the fuck is going on, and he hates it. He absolutely hates it, not knowing why he’s feeling some typa way. He never said he was very in touch with his feelings, just in touch enough that he _usually_ knows at least what’s going on generally, if not right down to the details.

Right now, though, he doesn’t know shit, and that’s a problem.

-

Ok, so, he’s being snappish. 

He knows that, he just can’t help it.

He’s being so unbearable that he’s put in lunch duty, which everyone hates, including himself. (Well, everyone except Buck, of course. Buck loves it.) It’s just Bobby droning on and on about things Eddie does _not_ care about, while he’s made to cut vegetables into pieces that get smaller and smaller every time he makes a mistake. He can’t even bring himself to pretend to entertain Bobby, which is his usual behavior when he ends up here. Right now he’s just quiet, big knife working harder than it needs to.

Buck pulls up beside them, smile just a little bit uncertain, more into Bobby’s personal space than Eddie’s. Eddie hates it.

“That’s sharp, Eddie,” he teases, “you don’t need to go that hard.”

“Hey, you wanna take my place?” Eddie says, sharp, hard. As soon as he says it, though, he regrets it.

He wasn’t going for any specific tone, wasn’t even thinking about it when he spoke. He’s just not good, not today, and he didn’t watch himself for a minute.

Everyone’s watching them, though. Buck’s remark did not warrant the rudeness Eddie replied with; it was too much even for him. He closes his eyes for just a second, and resumes his chopping, pointedly ignoring everyone around them, not giving anyone anything.

-

And so the day goes.

Eddie continues to be annoyed and annoying in equal measures, he knows, but he just can’t help it. 

He suddenly understands Christopher in ways he doesn’t think he has before. Everything is too much and nothing makes sense. If nothing good comes out of this day, then at least he knows he’ll have a better understanding of his son’s tantrums going forward -- he, himself, could throw one right now and feel no shame about it.

-

The whole thing comes to a head, as this stuff usually does, right after their 4pm-24-hour-shift dinner. 

He’s doing dishes, as a punishment for apparently being twelve years old today, quietly and broodingly minding his own business, when they all move their conversation close to him, to the kitchen island.

He does _not_ want in on this conversation, having gathered it is, again, about Buck’s stupid date tonight.

“Athena looked him over,” Bobby is saying, and Eddie hopes that, against all odds, he’s about to forbid Buck from going on this stupid date. Of course, it’s not what he says. Instead: “Looks like a great guy, Buck. Clean record, not even a speeding ticket. Wealthy. Graduated with honors. You could definitely have done worse.”

They all laugh.

 _Don’t say it. ¡Cállate, Edmundo! No digas nada._

Ah. To hell with it. 

“Just ‘cause he doesn’t have a record doesn’t mean he’s clean.” He aims for nonchalant, but he knows he’s missed by a mile when everyone goes quiet around him.

“What?” Buck says.

He shrugs. “You never know what he could be hiding is all I’m saying.”

“Why would you even say that, Eddie?” He doesn’t look behind him, but just from Buck’s tone, he can hear the frown in his voice, the disbelief. _The disappointment_ , a voice says in his mind, and he hates it.

“I’m just looking out for you!” He offers, indignantly. “That’s what best friends _do_!”

“No, man, that’s not -” Buck starts, but Eddie is done, done, done. 

He wants this day to end, he wants this shift to be over, so he can go home to his son and their Buck _not_ being there; to be miserable in peace where his friends won’t see, where Christopher won’t notice.

He doesn’t know what the fuck is going on, and at this point he doesn’t care, just wants to go home and be alone for the 15 minute drive. That’s all.

He throws the dish towel on the counter and storms down, but Buck’s just one step behind, and he doesn’t have to look to know it’s him.

“What the fuck is going on with you today, man?” Buck says, as soon as they’re in the changing room. 

“Nothing’s going on, Buck, nothing.”

“What do you mean, nothing? You’ve been weird the whole day, man, just, out with it, this is getting exhausting.” Buck does sound tired. Eddie makes the executive decision of not caring. 

He doesn’t get to say Eddie is tiring when he’s the one bailing out on movie night. Which, turns out, is exactly what he ends up saying.

“Oh, so you’re tired? _You_ ’re tired?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what you heard. I guess you’re tired for movie night but not to go on a date with a stranger, huh?”

That throws Buck, he can tell.

“What?”

He goes on anyway.

“Priorities, Buck. I got where yours are at.”

He’s not expecting Buck’s voice to drop and go cold the way it goes when he says, “Eddie. You don’t get to say that to me.”

He’s the one confused now. “What?”

“You don’t get to talk to me about priorities, you don’t get to imply that I don’t care about Christopher.”

“That’s not what I said,” Eddie grumbles. He suddenly feels like backing out of this conversation -- well, he never wanted to be _in_ it to begin with. He doesn’t wanna _apologize_ , but he really, really wants it to be over.

“Yes. Yes, it is. And you don’t get to say it. You don’t get to play me like this, Eddie.”

And he’s angry again.

“What the fuck are you talking about, man?”

“I’m talking about you being an asshole this whole day for no reason! I don’t know what the fuck’s going on, but I don’t like it, Eddie!”

“I don’t like it, either, but you don’t see me throwing a fit!”

“Yes, I do! We all do! It’s what you did the whole day, Eddie, c’mon!”

“How about you go get pretty for your date, huh?” He spits. He didn’t mean to, but he knows that’s what it sounds like. He keeps going, too late now. “Go get all dolled up for this cute white boy o’ yours, yeah? I’ll have movie night with Christopher and -”

Buck interrupts him. “Why don’t you shut the fuck up, huh? Why don’t you quit talking outta your ass, Eddie?”

He shakes his head, angry, upset, hurt. And he still doesn’t know _why_.

Not until Buck’s suddenly too close, moving into his space, crowding Eddie against his own locker. He doesn’t know why, until Buck’s moving his head down and his air is mingling with his, until he can feel Buck’s mouth ghost his, until -- until they hear,

“That’s enough!”

Buck jumps back, surprised, and turns around in time to see Bobby crossing the space between the stairs and the locker room, Hen and Chimney in tow, the two of them more curious than worried.

“Whatever you guys have to fix, go do it, right now. You’re done with your shift for the day. Next time I see you, I hope you have worked through whatever’s going on.”

They all look at each other in silence, until Bobby moves, and Hen and Chimney follow helplessly.

Eddie watches as Buck change into his civilian clothes, packs his bags in silence, leaves. He doesn’t look at Eddie again, and Eddie doesn’t say anything, either. 

Figures they crossed a line none of them meant to, even if Buck was the one to do it.

-

Buck’s Jeep is there when he gets home, and Carla’s car isn’t.

He was _not_ expecting that.

“Daddy!” Christopher yells, jumps up as soon as Eddie moves into the kitchen, where Buck is helping him with homework. “Buck came home earlier than you!”

Eddie eyes him. “He sure did.”

Buck, unexpectedly, is _smiling_ at Eddie. It’s Eddie’s favorite smile, too; a big one, making his eyes crinkle around the edges, his cheeks all the way up to accommodate his lips moving. 

They don’t talk, about what happened or much else, save to decide on dinner and movie. It’s a quiet affair for the most part, and halfway through their movie night routine, Eddie almost forgets something was wrong earlier. Then, they start to laugh more freely, to move around each other more naturally. For a change, they put Christopher to bed together.

Eddie can’t stop thinking about that almost moment in the lockers. Buck scurries away to the bathroom, telling Eddie to pick a movie, and Eddie wonders if that’s it. He wonders if he had the realization of his life, if _Buck_ brought that upon him, but then thought it was a mistake, wasn’t worth it, wasn’t good enough for him. He’s lost in thought, no movie or beers or anything, just standing in the middle of his kitchen, confused and lost.

“I can hear you thinking, Eddie,” Buck says, teasing, but it still makes Eddie jump out of his skin.

“Fuck, man, warn a guy!”

Buck’s laughing, eyes tiny, smile big, and oh. Oh, God. Eddie is in love with him.

Sure, he realized he really wanted to kiss Buck, and that was probably why he hated that Buck was going on a date, but this? This is earth-shattering. This is a whole other level of fucked, God, he’s so, so fucked, isn’t he? 

He’s a mess of a single parent, working triple to make ends meet, trying and failing, day in and day out, to fix his anger management issues, not close to his parents, heavily relying on Abuela and Pepa and Carla and _Buck_ to take care of his child.

Buck couldn’t possibly want him. For a best friend, sure. Not for a partner.

God, what an idiot.

He had to go and fall in love with his best friend, huh? And not even _realize_ it. No doubt Buck was running away from him.

“Stop thinking,” Buck says, softly, smile gone, but mirth still in his eyes.

“Can’t turn off,” he says, mechanically, which sets Buck off again.

“I think I got a way,” Buck says, when he recovers. “It seemed about to work before Bobby busted us.”

_Wait, what?_

And then Buck’s kissing him.

Eddie’s being _kissed_.

Buck’s lips are plump, and they taste vaguely like the mushroom spaghetti they had earlier. Then, he’s licking into Eddie’s mouth, both of his hands coming up to cup Eddie’s face on each side, and, oh, God, Eddie’s _gone_.

He spurs into action, pulling Buck against him, his back hitting the kitchen counter, Buck looming big over him. He loves it. He drags his hands up Buck’s back, relishing on the fact that Buck’s back is _broad_ and he’s allowed to touch, which, what? He didn’t even know he wanted it, and in the span of the last six hours, not only did he learn he _wants_ , but he’s also been granted permission, and by God, he’s enjoying it.

Buck is the one to pull away, Eddie following blindly, which makes Buck snort softly against his mouth.

“See?” he says, tease dripping from his tone, “Told you I knew how to turn it off.”

“You suck,” Eddie says, but there’s no heat.

“We can arrange that,” Buck smirks, and Eddie’s knees go weak.

Suddenly, there’s heat again.

-

> _Did you and Eddie work things out?_
> 
> **_yeah lol_ **
> 
> _How was your date?_
> 
> **_man, it was GREAT_ **
> 
> _Glad to hear_
> 
> **_i’m sure you are_ **
> 
> (attached is a picture of a shirtless Eddie standing by the kitchen counter, looking straight at the phone, but apparently not knowing his picture is being taken)
> 
> **_we had a great time_ **
> 
> **_don’t tell anyone yet tho ;)_ **

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i love italics. _and what about it?_
> 
> unbeta'd, so feel free to point out any mistakes you find! 
> 
> please give me your thoughts on it, they mean a lot to me :^)
> 
> you can also read/reblog on tumblr (where you can also find me), [@spockina](https://spockina.tumblr.com/post/619849286597902336/you-should-be-my-boy), come hang out!


End file.
